Ma i have so much to talk to you about how can it be this long that we have not talked?? huh? why cant i find comfort on this site like i used to ma? lots have happend here as you know my grandaughters all moved away :(.. i dont know when i will see them again and although its not a permanent loss as was yours its still a loss its a loss of a relationship yet again. Mom i hate when things are going on in our lives and we cant share with you. As you know by now 2 more angels have joined you. Aunt Michelles dad and cousin Kevins brother Billy im sure by now you have greeted them. wow as we get older i feel like we are at wakes and funerals of people closer to our age ;(... mom why dont i find comfort here like i used to. its making me sad it makes me angry very mixed bag of emotions mom. so how about that sign the other night i know that was you ma and then unknown caller on my cell hmmmm coincidence ya ok lol.. hey so what did you think about steven in the lil tux/ mom i love that lil boy soo much. he just makes me sooo happy.. I wish so bad you could be around to watch him grow wait let me re phrase that i wish we could see you watch him grow. So I know you are proud of all of us going to the gym huh ? its good that the cuzins are going to cuz we are reconnecting again when i go on facebook i think all the tiem wow mom would def have a facebook :)... too bad Heaven doesnt have the internet.. I dont think God would allow it huh ma? well gonna go finish doing somework. please mom know that I love you with all my heart and everyday that passes i miss you more and more... xx000 until we meet again your daugher donna xx00
Hi Mom / Donna (daughter)
hi mom hows things going for you? well us girls are really goaling to lose weight as you can tell... wish you were here to egg us on... lol. mom i am scared because now i have a hard time coming on here its like harder and harder to talk to you and not have you here this website was soooo comforting to me and connect me to you and now it causes more pain. as you know kyle is living with me again hes a good kid mom and I had to give him a chance I owe to you and I owe to JOhn and I owe it to myself and to Kyle but I did tell him one chance he messes up??? there are so many things we need to talk about you and I mom and i can talk to you but I cant hear you. Can you still work with sgns are you still around us? arent the kids growing up soo fast? well I cant belive this is gonna be 5 yrs omg when i say that it brings tears to my eyes mom> its so hard to have to work so much so many hours yet want to spend time with kids and grandkids :(.. must have been nice that you were able to stay home with us all when we were younger huh mom? but ill tell you I can see how the grandkids wore you out phew lil steven poops me!!! hahaha mom please watch over and make sure everyone stays as healthy as can be ok? and keep everyone safe please I wish I could keep them all safe but I cant so you need to jump in... well going to bed mom hopefully dreams about you tonight!!! I love you and miss you so much!! xxoo Close
Me again. I need an angel for tomorrow. I am going for surgery on my neck. It is pretty intense and boy would it help me to know you are there with me. You know me act tough but boy I am a nervous wreck. I know I will be fine but I never had surgery. Guess I will look like a stiff for a few weeks. I keep telling my mom God is good so she thinks everything is cool with me. I know you will be there with me. It will help me out alot.
Happy New Year! / Donna (daughter)
hey mom well another holiday another year that we are closer to reuniting with you right? mom i think of you everyday and wish to have you here with us and when the holidays come its especially hard cuz i wonder what your doing i wonder if your having fun if your missing us like we are missing you? Im sure you are but becaue you see us and you hang with us do you really miss us? well we miss you so much has happend since you went away mom... and not all for the good the other day i came across dad's funeral card and it hit me again :( that both my parents are gone both of them and although John wasnt the dad that he was when i was growing up he was still a parent he is the other half that made us and when i looked at the card and thought what are the odds your father passes away the day after your mom 4 yrs later?? and the funeral poem is the same? Can 2010 be better even though your not in it... well it will be everyone stays healthy i am trying and the girls are trying and john should be out 2010 and hpefully geo will find back relief and michael will slow down alot and the kids well they will just continue to grow up :).... well gotta go get ready for work we are going to venus demilo tonight we never got to go there with you mom too bad we didnt realize how nice it was when you were here but the new years that we did spend with you were great and i treasure those times mom i really do treasure them... thank you for being the mom you are! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND ALL OUR FAMILY UP THERE PARTYING!! WOOOWOOOOO LOVE YOU!XXX000 Close
merry christmas Mom / Donna (daughter)
Hi mom well another Christmas down without you :(... well we know you were there thanks for the sign via email lol.. mom i know that one day we will be together but its so hard to accept that we are not together now... and now with our father gone with no hopes of a phone call an apology or a hey im your dad and wish we had a relationship.. those days will never be here and today i realize that we are totally without parents and it just really sux mom i hate carrying around sadness and anger and having to live on memories :(.. what happens if I lose my memory mom then i will have lost everything. well as the day winds down and i missed being with you this holiday it brings out the tears yet agian and its ok right its ok to cry now right ? hey so last night was fun huh? we changed up the food alittle bit.lol even brought chinese into the mix.. kim hooked it up again huh? the kids so cute wth santa Nevaeh almost went up to santa but.... and heidi yeah she better just stick to bud light lol... wsnt steven so cute with his lil sweater? wow these kids are just growing up.. aj even asked me wow mom pretty soon i will be able to play santa omg when my son is plying santa mom I will feel real old lol...i got alot of great things for christmas i guess santa ws good to me..was your christmas nice up there mom? I bet it was your right there with the birthday boy!!! well mom this will be johns last year of not being with the family on christmas :).. im sure he will play santa next year he makes a funny santa huh? but hey Jon did a good job for a first time virgin santa lol.... love you mom!!! Close
well its almost Christmas time again :( / Donna (daughter)Read >>
well its almost Christmas time again :( / Donna (daughter)
Hi mom
Finally been able to fix your site for Christmas it seems harder to come on now mom. Its even harder to go to cemetery Im sorry that I havent gotten there to decorate it I will see if Jr can go do it mom i just cant bring myself. I asked jr why is it so hard and he said maybe cuz you feel like she is not there and i really dont feel like your there but i promsed you to make the sites looks so nice and mom its not that i dont have the time because that is not it but the thought of doing it makes me cry and makes me sad and makes me angry and alot of emotions come out. Hey so onto happy things Im sure you tried to persuade mother nature to behave for stevens first bday party? lol... but it worked out great anyway. I cant beleive he is one. Is this how you felt for your grandkids mom... like this unconditional love? i mean we have this love for our children of course but its different with the grandkids now i understand lol.. I am truly proud of our family huh? Mom how are you doing up there? I havent really had any signs... can you show some is it because you are comfortable and you know we know you are around us that we dont need signs. What do you think about steven waiving to you when he gets to my house LOl. mom he is so stinkin cute huh? what do you think about the other kids mom jaylah gettting big too.. i cant believe there are 3 lil kids in this family that you never ever met (in person) i know you see them and play with them. see mom this is why it hurts to come on cuz i ask qu3estions and ask questions and i dont hear the answers ;(... I jsut wish for one more day or one more hour with you mom believe me i know your at peace and not suffering and this is an awful awful world but we were not ready to let go we still are not . as matter of fact we will never be ready to let go... and do we have to? I hate the fact that we all have to work so hard to survive and cant enjoy our family like we should be. I am very greatful that we all do dinner on fridays because i wouldnt want us to drift apart mom... we are part of you and together we make whole right? Please be with us all for Christmas eve ok? when i think about how we went to foxwoods with you on christmas day for the last several years before you past it makes me happy yet makes me sad cuz it has ended :(.. well i have to go cuz i have terrible head cold and runny nose and now i cant breath and the runny nose is worse. :---- I love you mom i keep you in my heart forever....... xx000 please visit one or all of us :)...xxoo Love yoU! Close
Happy Thanksgiving / Heather (granddaughter)
I just wanted to say happy thanksgiving Vovo I was dancing with Steven last night to dominick the donkey and all I could think of was you and how you would be smiling at him laughing and clapping your hands :(((( I wish you could be here but I know you are in spirit. I have to get off becuase I am alreay too sad now I love you I miss you :((( Close
Good morning Mom! / Donna (daughter)
hey mom how are things up there in that beautiful place we call Heaven and you call home? I was going to go to your site yesterday and clean it and put some Thanksgiving things but couldnt bring myself to do it but I will before next week dont worry!! I know I made a promise to always go and make sure its nice for you but I didnt realize how painful it was going to be as oppose to comforting as in the beginning of this journey. Mom I have decided that I really need to watch my health and be around to see my great grandkids. I want them to know me. Hey what do you think about Steven when I say where is vovo he looks at your pic... 10 months old - amazing huh mom? I know you look down at these kids and smile all the time I know you play with them. I keep playing over memories in my head of growing up and also of the most recent years with you just because Im afraid of forgetting. I hope I never forget mom :(... R U doing ok? R U happy? can you send some signs.. so what do you think about me heidi and kim going to the gym and losing weight :)... well i have alot to live for and mom our heart history in this family isnt too great - when I think that i lost both my parents by their age of 65 its scary to me. I cant leave my kids and grandkids just yet I need for them to say wow my grandma lived a long healthy life> well everyone is doing ok as you know. well except for dad but you know that story..... I love and miss you so much mom! as the holidays are approaching give us all strength ok? xxxoooo Close
hi mom well you must be excited to see the kids tomorrow huh? wow you lovedddd halloween.. for so many eyars i have been dressing up and you would sit every year and just wait for us. Sometimes I would come to your door alone so you would suspect it was me lol.. rememver when i was a bag lady?? lol omg you were a riot with that one. You know i love this holiday for the kids :)... rmeember PAL haunted house lol well i am forever traumatized. I cant wait to see what steven is going to be mom is this how you were sitting waiting for your grandkids to come dressed up? they are soo cute huh? as you know still same stuff going on down here the economy sux and working sux and paying bills sux but hey what can we do right? Mom i know you will be with us tomorrow nite and ifyou want to send a sign be my guess.. I am wathching a show about orbs but my pics are more convincing than theirs lol... well i love you mom and remember be with us tomorrow night ;)...
its been awhile / Donna (daughter)
Hi mom I know its been awhile but when i come on here the pain is soo hard and then i cry and all the emotions come out yes its good to chanell those emotions but sometimes its draining :(... i think i am trying to surpress the fact that your not here with us its over 4 yrs and the only thing we now have is memories dont get me wrong i love memories but i want more than that mom. ;( mom the whole thing with Jr smoking is really really bothering me everyday i smell the cig smoke i think how could someone who knows who i lost from smoking continue to smoke but mom he quit for 8 yrs and you know what i cant take losing another person because of smoking. Do you ever regret the fact that you continued to smoke and it eventually took your life. I know you used to say hey if im gonna die i might as well be happy but we are not mom. We are not left here to be happy that our mom is not here with us. Im sorry mom i know you have no pain and sadness and that is not why im writing i just needed to get it out because keeping it inside is not healthy. well as you know watching greys anatomy the other night and the lady being interbated just bought back alot of pain and its been here since mom guess i just have to shake it huh? hey how about steven's 1st birthday coming up huh? wow time flies mom i wish so bad he could have met you :(. mom some days are just worse than others ;(.. i miss you and know we will see each other again but until then please please keep visiting us whether in our dreams or as signs ok? I love you mom and just wish i would have told you more often. Good nite my angel goodnite :) Close
I miss you so much mom!!!!! / Kimberly Carrelas (daughter)Read >>
I miss you so much mom!!!!! / Kimberly Carrelas (daughter)
Hi mom i know i havent been on in along time but its very hard 1 not having internet and two just so hard just as going to your resting place i know you have alot oif friends up there if you see tony cabral (lolas) husband tell him we miss him and love him and to send a sign to lola also tony paz andys other uncle tell him to go to his wife and send her a sign i love you and miss you so much so many deaths this last year its unbelieveable I love you nad miss you mom with all my heart i hope you come to our dreams i need a strong memory love you always and forever yoiur little girl Kimmy Close
Thinking about you now and everyday / Donna Pacheco (Neice)
Aunt Ruth
It's me. I think this is the second time I wrote to you. I just read the stories from your girls. You would be so proud of them they are wonderful grandmothers. They cherish their grandchildren with all there heart. I went to Mike's birthday party at Donna's house. It was raining so hard that day but she pulled it off. You know Aunt Ruthy there is always a white butterfly around me. I say she is watching over me. I have been going through different things with doctors and therapist. You know that's not me. I am asking you my angel can you come with me Monday to have a test done again. It is probably nothing but is will help me to know I have an angel with me. I remember you sitting at my table talking about different test from the doctors and you would say I am never going for that. I have nothing. Well Aunt Ruthy you never know. I know you will be with me on Monday and everything is going to turn out ok.
hey a sign would be nice mom!! / Donna (daughter)Read >>
hey a sign would be nice mom!! / Donna (daughter)
well today was heathers bday were you around her... im sure you were with her and steven at their lil picnic :)...mom as a mom I am so proud of her. She is a wonderful daughter and mom ;)... so hows things with you mom? been busy down here with parties and stuff so that is good but tonight wanted to stop in and say hello!! i know i know i can say hello anywhere but sometimes i feel the need to come on here and visit :(.... weather is realy nice right now not hot not cold... we are preapring for fall entering another winter without you mom. .... i am going to try and upload pics of the kids again i dont know whats wrong with the site with uploading.. well gonna go to bed so talk to you soon!! I love you mom! xxx000 Close
hey mom well its over we did it I know one day you will bump into him (John) maybe he'll tell you why he never bothered with us and just walked by us and gave a stranger more attention. I understand why God wants us to forgive and am trying mom I know I released alot of feelings at the service and feel good about it I do feel bad for annmarie and the boys as they are suffering the loss of a relationship as we did for you but it is hard as well because we had to put our memories to rest with him :(... future memories for sure but you know me i love to keep my childhood memories alive and that I do and for what its worth you both did give us a great childhood mom you were both great parents to us growing up. Me and Heidi moreso than the others because we were older and he was around more with us and that is unfortuante for the others I would only wish they could have happier memories of him as we do but it is what it is and all our good and recent happy memoreis are with you and we thank you for that mom... It was hard to see our aunts and uncles suffering a loss of their brother especially being their oldest brother I know growing up he was like a father to them. Hey do you know why his anniversary date ended up the day after yours??? is that coincidence?? idk mom that just weirded me out big time :(... mom I wish soooo hard sometimes that you can cme to my dreams and we can just sit and talk about everything that has happend so far in the last 4 yrs between your death the house fire colbys and brady passing the babies that have been born my grandson :)Heahters wedding our father's passing just so many things happening in 4 yrs mom... well gonna go for now I love you mom!!!! xx00
TO ALL RUTHS CHILDREN / Diane Gonsalves (A DEAR FRIEND )Read >>
TO ALL RUTHS CHILDREN / Diane Gonsalves (A DEAR FRIEND )
sending my condolences 2 all of ruths childrenfor the loss of their Fathereven though you didnt have a close bond with him yes i know it still hurts he was still ur dad try and find it in ur heart 2 forgive him dont let it eat away at you anymore you can forgive but you will never forget now he has 2 answer 2 the man upstairs and the man upstairs is very forgiving. Stay strong and GOD BLESS8 Close
well we lost both parents mom / Donna (daughter)Read >>
well we lost both parents mom / Donna (daughter)
so mom im sure you know by now that John (our father) past away today do you believe itMom its so hard to lose people in your family even if there is no releationship there its because its part of your past that will no longer be your future. I would have never thought that I would be parentless by the age of 45??? I miss you mom soo much i miss talking laughing depending just oh so much mom. I know the pain that Ann marie and her kids will be feeling the loss mom the loss we have for you they will have for him and i know that pain hurts like hell.. why did there become a separation of a father and his children what did we ever do wrong??? idk its a whole other family that we never shared the one thing that I am greatful to him is that you and he gave me my brothers and sisters and our children..and for that I am greatful mom i wish that life had no hurts and only happiness but unfortunately it doesnt I know that these tears cant stop flowing mom but its not because of the relationship that he and I wont ever have again because we havnt had it for years and years but when both your parents are gone its a strange thing.... i think there are unanswered questions too like why didnt he care about us anymore and why he stopped being a dad and why didnt he ck on us after losing you he knew you were our caretaker our mother are best friiend our provider didnt he at least care enough to see how we were hurting??? i think these are the things that make me angry they make me sad we have no answeres and now we never will.. He would walk by us at the park as we would he so do two wrongs make right > no? well if you see him up there can you find out why he didnt want us in his life? One thing I would never ever ever do mom is turn my back on my children just like you never did mom when john was geting into trouble and the problems he gave you you never quit you never gave up.. when i got pregnant young you didnt turn your back on me mom you were there for me with all my crazy questions like heater is with me lol.. you migh thave turned on some tough love at times but you were always there for us mom... just come to my dreams so we can talk? please ???? I love you mom!!!!
hi mom i came on before and tried to talk but got to emotional as you know.. so im trying again. did you like the party for dad and frank we pulled it off! we wish you were with us of course as we do always!!! Mom as always i love and miss you and wish you were here!! What you think about these precious babies huh? they are all sooo adorable wish they knew you but as they grow up we will share our memories with them...
Hi Vovo / Heather (granddaughter)
Well I never come on anymore its too sad for me and too hard for me but I am having a really bad night :( I just heard a song and it made me just so sad and so mad that your not here I had to go to a wake last night and it brought back so many memories of this time 4 yrs ago I try soo hard to get that stupid day out of my head but I just cant I still have the pain in my heart to this day just like I had that day. I wish soooo bad that you were here to meet Steven he is the love of my life He brings me soo much joy. There are so many times that he does stuff and I say wow if Vovo was here she would get a kick out of him. I just remember soo many talks with you and you always gave me advice about life and relationships and whatever I needed and now your not even here to see how my life is turning out and I know its not your fault but I am soooo mad about that :(((( I just must sound so selfish because your happy in heaven and your healthy and thats what I want for you but I just cant believe your not here with us. I still remember the last time I was with you so clear and if I only knew it was the last time I would ever see you I could have told you just how much you mean to me and how you made an impact to my life. OMG this hurts soo much to come on here and talk to you. I wish sooo bad tha you can somehow come to me and let me know that you love me and that you know how much I love you and how much I appreciate you and miss you. Just because I never come on here doesnt mean that I dont think about you because not a day goes by that I dont think about you and I hope you know that. Please please always watch over my baby boy Steven. Hes such a good little boy vovo I have soo much fun with him I cannot even imagine life without him. Hes sooo cute huh? Man I wish you were here for him. Tomorrow is the 50s party so hopefully we can have fun because we know you would want that. I feel better that I let out some of my anger and sadness but I am sure tomorrow and the day after will be tough. I know we shouldnt dwell on the day you passed and we should remember the days of your life but whenever it rains real hard and I am driving I think of that morning so how am I supposed to forget it on that day. I wish I could vovo I really do. Please send grandpa a sign for his birthday becuase its hard for him to not have you here I love you sooo much Vovo xoxoxo Close
hey mom!!! / Donna (daughter)
hi ma whats going on up there? are you still watching over us all i hope so. It seems to get harder the longer apart we are.. I have to keep my memories of you everyday because im afraid that I will forget? I am afraid i will forget your voice the way you pronounced words or some of your quirky things you did... it has been more difficult to talk about you mom cuz i want to talk to you in a 2 way conversation... you see your newest great grandaughter jaylah>? she is so beautiful Heidi is so blessed with these grandkids. I feel like you were cheated of so many more memories and we were cheated as well.... I will forever say it wasnt and isnt fair... :(... well you know Im doing my annual party this weekend 50's theme lol... i know you would have a ball i hope you are partying with us ok? twist chacha whatever you feel like doing just do ok?? Mom i know your good up there and everyone is taking care of one another as we are doing down here but things are kinda shitty for everyone here mom as you know some down and out of work others just down and out :(... we work so many hours and have no enjoyment or should i say hardly any enjoyment!! well I just had a feeling to stop and talk a little to you mom I need a visit ok? Just somehow remind me your here with us ok? I have tried many times putting new pics on I will try again... I love you mom!! Close
good morning! / Donna (daughter)
hey ma good morning! did you hear and see us talking about you last night when i went with rosie and aunt jeanie to pick up makayla on fourth st alot of memories came back alot of good memories when we were kids and you guys would be playing cards and us kids were hanging out of course it wasnt like it is today but it was cool all the cousins hanging together every weekend sort of what our kids do now on fridays.... will that end? will it end like ours did with our cousins... I know that as they get older they too will have busy lives but i hope not too busy that they dont spend time together as we all do now.... then aunt jeannie was telling me how one time you two were driving and a bee flew in the car and you threw the car in park in the middle of the road and and she had to kill the bee before you got back in... and then i told of when the bee went into your wig... lol and you whpped it off right at the baseball field lol good thing the bee didnt fly into your bra lol.... its nice to remember stories and go down memory lane ... did you visit dad yesterday? i know it was your anniversary and i know it was hard for him and Im glad he was with us playing cards last night and he wasnt drinking... i know too him it was hard because of not having you here with him but I know it was better for him to have you the time that he did that to not have you at all mom.... well you know Im planning the 50's party ;) that is def keeping my mind occupied but when me and heidi went to the meeting the other night i couldnt help but cry because of talking about this grief and because that lady that was there that lost her 2 sisters 3 mo apart from each other... mom the tears are building up just thinking of having to ever go through this again with anyone. I have been thinking lately wow its 4 yrs and so much has happend and you were not here to talk about it mom the two biggest most special days to me heathers wedding and birth of my grandson and you were not here for me to share the joy and pride with... although i do know how proud you were of heather and I know she knows too.... eveyrone is missing you mom i know you know that. we went to see john yesterday he is doing really good mom. on the way home the sky was soo peaceful and beautiful and me and heidi was talking about you and i was thinking as i was looking up where else other than here would i want you to be... omg it has to be beatuful and peaceful and that is what we would all want for you... well gonna go to the apt then maybe so swimming at heathers pool and see my padunka dunka i know you laugh when i say that lol.. ttyl..... i love you mom and know one day we will all be sitting around a table again... xxx000 Close
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